Stuff your husband needs to hear and we don’t

Loving husbands is hard. But I would bet so is loving wives. We are called to respect our husbands. I posted about respecting our husbands in my leave and cleave posts.

I have been so disappointed to see and hear the way young ladies and wives treat their husbands. When we talk to our sons about choosing a wife (yes we do and they’re only 7 and 9), we encourage them to watch how their perspective bride talks to the men in her life. The way she talks to her father or brothers before she’s married is a good indication of how she’ll talk to her husband when she’s married.

Ephesians 5:33 says “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (ESV)

Please notice that it doesn’t say “respect him when he earns it” or “respect him only if he makes you feel loved”. It says respect him. So many women today are bent on making their husbands earn the respect, but I’ll tell you ladies…I wouldn’t want to wait to feel loved until he decided I was lovable. Because some days, quite frankly, I’m not.

After hearing yet another young wife berate her husband in public, I decided to write a list of things you should say to your husband, boyfriend, fiance’ and in some cases even your father. Remember, you’re practicing submission and respect while you’re still living at home.

Say:

“I’m so thankful you can do                                  well”

Don’t say:

“You never do anything right.”

Say:

“Thank you for doing                                     today. It really helped a lot”

Don’t say:

“Did you get                         done today?” or “Why didn’t                        get done?”

Say:

“I’m so blessed to have a husband/father/son/ etc like you”

Don’t say:

“Ugh! You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Say:

“What can I do for you today?”

Don’t say:

“I don’t have time to do that.”

Say (to others about him):

“Isn’t he great at                               ?” or “I don’t know what I’d do without him”

Don’t say:

“He always does                      ” or “I hate it when he                                .

I encourage you this week to try to say things that will build up the man in your life. Say them to his face and in front of others. Let him know that you really mean it, make a choice to respect him and show him that respect. Serve him, don’t look to him to serve you all the time. Remember when you say negative things about your husband to others and then you forgive him…they rarely do. All they remember are the negative things you’ve said and they’re going to have a negative impression of him when you reconcile.

Something else to remember ladies…you wouldn’t want your husband/father airing all your faults and short comings to his friends, co-workers and random people in public. So don’t do it to him. We all have faults and none of us like them being advertised to others. You may think you’re “just venting” or letting off steam, but you’re disrespecting your husband/father. I have been on the receiving end of women who unloaded to me about their husbands/fathers…I promise you it wasn’t him that I had the poor impression of.

Remember to respect your man, show him and others that you respect him. You expect him to love you so you respect him. 

New Recipe Monday

I have a busy day ahead. So busy in fact, that the boys did their schoolwork for today already last Friday because I knew there was no way we were going to get to it. Our youngest has a doctor appointment this morning at 10:45. I don’t know why I made the appointment for so late in the morning, it completely cuts up our day. Then it’s off to buy a few groceries that I didn’t pick up this weekend, post office and to the cell phone place to deal with some things there. I’m hoping we’ll be able to meet Daddy for lunch today since we’ll be out and about.

I have our menus planned out for the next two weeks, complete with notes about when to take meat out of the freezer (I’ve been forgetting lately and I don’t like to defrost it in the microwave). I prepared this crockpot dish last night and put it in the fridge. I turned it on this morning and by evening we should have a nice warm dinner waiting for us.

It’s a new recipe for our family and I’m excited to try it. I really like sauerkraut. I think this soup will go nicely with some wheat bread or dark rye. If I have time I’ll make some in the bread machine I got from my Grandma Quiring (Thank you!).

6 c. Chicken broth (I used 8 cup water)

2 cans cream of mushroom soup

2 (bigger lengths) of Polish or Kielbasa sausage cooked and sliced

4 stalks celery, chopped

1 green pepper, chopped (I didn’t have green, so I used red)

2 med onions, chopped

4 potatoes, chopped (I used 6 so I could use up the last few in the bag)

4 carrots, chopped

16oz mushrooms, sliced (I omitted these, they just didn’t sound good for this soup)

2 cans sauerkraut drained (I wish I would have had homemade, but used canned)

1/2 tsp pepper

2 tsp dill weed.

Cook on low 10 hours.

 

This is what the finished product looks like…

Finished product

Family Vision — Homeschooling

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

 ⁴ “Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! ⁵ You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶ These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. ⁷You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. ⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as  frontals on your forehead. ⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

We absolutely believe that the best place to teach our children is at home. We are to love the Lord our God with all that we have, we are to teach our children the commandments which God has given us in His holy word. We are to teach them when we sit, walk, lie down and when we rise up. For our family, we believe that the only way we can teach our children diligently is to teach them at home. We believe it’s difficult to do those things if we send our children out of our home to be educated by someone else 8 hours a day.

Before I get too deep into this discussion, I have to first say we come from a family of public educators. In our family, you’re either a nurse or an educator and we have lots of both. Secondly, my husband and I were public schooled and thirdly I think public teachers have very difficult jobs. My goal is not to tell someone why we’re right and they’re wrong in their educational choices, but to tell you why it’s so important to us that it’s become part of our family vision statement.

If our most important goal is that our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren for many generations come to know God, then we should be teaching them as such. My husband and I went to a small public school in Kansas. We were both raised in the church and we went to school with most of the same kids in our youth group, yet the 2 environments were not in unison. We were taught ideas, theories and standards in public school that were contrary to the Christian faith ideas we were being taught at home, Sunday morning and Wednesday night. We were tested and drilled on those ideas, they were presented as fact and were treated as such. When the issue of faith was brought up with was quickly quelled with “separation of church and state” talk or the “I have to teach this to you” argument and it wasn’t discussed. There was no place for reconciliation, no place for harmony.

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When our oldest was ready for kindergarten we sent him to a small Christian school that used to operate in our church. It closed half way through the year and we brought him home to learn. We had read the statistics about how homeschoolers did better on tests and academically than their public schooled counterparts. There are several studies from independent sources that support this, and we thought “well that’s good enough for us”. However, through God’s grace He began to show us that homeschooling is more than just teaching our children at home, but it’s an opportunity for discipleship with our children. It’s an opportunity to come along side them and learn together as a family, teach them our family values and give them the best start possible both academically and spiritually.

Discipleship is modeling and teaching Christians, and our children, the precepts of the Bible; mainly prayer, doctrine, Christian living, and worship. We build these concepts into our daily education with our children. We spend time with them discussing how the principles we’re learning in school apply to biblical principles in life. We integrate it into our studies, our lives and our home.

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” It comes down to goals for your children. What are your goals for when they are old? What kinds of things are you and do you want to train them to do and be? Because what you teach them now will stick around, it will be what they carry with them later. And children will believe what they hear the most often and the loudest. For many those are the messages they get when they’re sitting in a classroom, for some it is the message they receive at home during the school day and for others it’s the message they get watching TV. I assure you though, that they are getting a message.

If you count up the time that is spent in school, let’s say 8 hours a day 5 days a week for 30 weeks a year = 1200 hours of instruction in the public school system per year. Take those 1200 hours x 13 years of school (k-12) means that children are spending just under 16,000 hours under the instruction of someone else (teachers, coaches and peers) other than their parents. That’s 16,000 hours over the course of 18 years that we’re missing the opportunity to disciple them.

If we continue to look at how the rest of the 16 hours a day is spent. The average school aged child gets 9 hours of sleep a day. So now we’re down to 7 hours for the remainder of our time with our children. The average child has between 5 and 7 hours of screen time (computer, TV, phone etc). So that leave about 2 hours per day that the average parent would have to disciple their child if they’re sending them to public school, if that child doesn’t participate in outside activities such as music lessons or sports. It’s difficult to overcome the messages our children are getting with only 2 hours or less a day to disciple our children.

It comes back to what we feel God has called us as parent to teach our children. We have a very serious responsibility to educate the children God has blessed us with. Educating your children is the most important thing you will ever do as a parent. I would encourage you to ask yourself and pray about the following questions:

What are the most important things that you want your children to learn? How do you go about teaching those things? Are you willing to trust that someone else will want your children to learn those same lessons?

Picky Picky

I have pick eaters in my family. In fact, as we speak one of my older children has been sitting at the table for the last hour and half trying to choke down his dinner. I’m at a loss. I don’t want to raise my children to be ungrateful for the food they’ve been given or to be wasteful. We want them to be appreciative of the person making the food.  But this is the second time this week we’ve had this struggle.

We have tried a number of strategies when it comes to eating. We’ve tried taking away snack and dessert after supper if you don’t finish, or at the very least eat as many bites as you are years old. We’ve tried taking away privileges, or sitting at the table until said amount has been eaten, there were nights we sat at the table until bedtime.

So for the last year or so we’ve had a “veto” rule in our house. Every member gets one veto food. That means they don’t have to eat it if mom makes it. They don’t get to complain about how it smells, or that they hate it, or that everyone else is eating it and it’s grossing them out. They just don’t have to eat it. The veto food can’t change, except for once a year on their birthday. Otherwise, we’d have a new veto food every week. Our current veto foods are Mom: Carrots (I was made to eat them as a child, but have never liked them, I do eat them once a year just to make sure). Gabe: Green beans, Otto: Verenika, Zeke : Onions (although he’ll eat them if he doesn’t know they’re in something), Titus: We haven’t found anything he won’t really eat yet. Dad eats everything even if he doesn’t like it so he doesn’t have a veto food.

The veto system has cut down on the number of struggles we have at dinner time about what to eat and the expectations when we’re eating, BUT it hasn’t ended them completely.

For the record we don’t make them eat everything on their plates, at minimum they eat as many bites as they are years old and I don’t make wild exotic foods that no one would like. I make regular stuff like fajitas, stir fry, chicken casseroles and grilled cheese.

I’m personally not of the camp “if they don’t like it they can make a sandwich”. I think it teaches disrespect. It is unacceptable for them to be served a dinner that someone (me, dad, grandma or future wife etc) worked hard to prepare and turn their nose up at it and then ask for a peanut butter sandwich. Not only that but I don’t want to raise a kid who only eats 3 foods by the time they’re 20. I mean seriously did you see the article about the girl who only eats chicken nuggets?

I also don’t do the “if they don’t eat they go hungry” stuff either. Something about it just doesn’t sit right with me.”They” say you have to introduce foods 21 times before kids acquire a taste for them. But I’m not sure I believe “them”. I’m really not sure what the solution is here or even if there is one.

So what are your solutions for picky eaters? I need suggestions.

Family Vision – Debt Free

I’ve been discussing how our family vision guides the decisions we make for our lives. You can read those posts here. A few years ago our family was in a mess financially. While Kerry and I have always paid our bills on time, our move here to Pueblo had us living outside of our means for a bit. Once we started using credit cards to pay for our groceries we knew we were up a creek without a paddle. We took out a debt consolidation loan (big mistake) and were in over our heads. We had seen some friends of ours posting on Facebook (of all places) about going through Dave Ramey’s Financial Peace University. We took the course online and it changed our lives. You can view Dave’s website here.

As we studied and prayed about the principles we were being taught in the class we began to feel that living debt free was a biblical mandate for our family. The Bible says “The rich rules over the poor, And the borrower becomes the lender’s slave” Proverbs 22:7. The first time Dave quoted this Proverb we looked at each other and said “duh!” It makes total sense that if we’re working to pay bills and lines of credit that we owe to someone else, we’re not really working for ourselves so we can serve Christ, we are slaves to the bank!

We’ve come a long way in paying off some (not all) of our debt. We have several more years to go to climb out of the hole we got ourselves into. We have paid off all of our cars and our credit cards. The only debt we have left is our student loans and the home we still own in Goessel. We didn’t set out to become debt free so that we could become wealthy, we set out to become debt free so that we could truly be free from being slaves to the lenders we borrowed from and so we could serve God.

Matthew 6:20-24 says 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; 21 for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.    22 “The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! 24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.

As a follower of Christ we shouldn’t put anyone or anything above Him. We should be seeking to serve Him, not the debt collectors and companies who hold the loans we take out to buy stuff we don’t need. Think of what we could do as a church if those who were in it were debt free. What kind of income would that free up to give to those in need and to serve others in the name of Christ? Or think about the time we wouldn’t have to work and we would have free to serve.

There are really about 2 main reasons that people go into debt. The first is often the most common, but the one that is least likely to be admitted (especially by those in the church), and that’s greed and discontentment. We are willing to go into debt because we WANT (not need) something. We WANT a new car, we WANT a bigger house, we WANT new furniture, we WANT to keep up with the people in the pew behind us. It’s hard to admit that we’re filled with greed and that we desire things of this world. We have a hard time telling that little 2 year old inside us screaming “Gimme Gimme Gimme!”….No instead of giving in to the WANT. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been guilty of being that 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum because we couldn’t afford the things that I WANTed rather than what I needed. When we were first married I was much more contentious about the things I WANTED. I would take every chance I could to bring up the thing I WANTED to my husband. I would use it as a tool to remind him that we didn’t have as much money as I wanted us to. I would pout about it, I would complain to others about it and I would remind him all.the.time. I wasn’t being content, I was behaving like a 2 year old crying for a toy in the store. Through God’s grace I have “grown up” and out of that stage and things are much more peaceful at home.

I Timothy 6:8 says “If we have food and covering, with these things we shall be content.” It sounds extreme in this world we live in, but are we willing to be content with the food and shelter we have and nothing else? If we’re so worried about getting more stuff it’s almost impossible for us to ever be satisfied with what we have. We’re so worried about working harder to get more more more that we’re willing to become slaves to get it. In a lot of ways, your checkbook says a great deal about what is important to you.

We are reminded again in Matthew 6: 25-34

²⁵ “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

The second reason that people go into debt is because they’re poor stewards of what God has given them. They fail to make a plan for their money. Instead, they either don’t have a budget or don’t stick to it. Dave Ramsey says “If you don’t tell your money where to go, you’ll wonder where it went.” God blesses us with whatever income and possessions we have. It is our responsibility to be good stewards of those things. We are to spend responsibly, invest responsibly and when necessary exercise self-control when we are presented with a WANT instead of a need. Wives, I would caution you here to think seriously about presenting your husband with your “needs” and wants. Sometimes we can make do with what we have and save our family a few dollars here and there. Or be wise with where and how you shop. I know a family where the wife never pays attention to sales, prices of food or does comparison shopping. She just buys what she wants (often using the credit card to pay). Her family is not wealthy. Her husband works hard and they are in a large amount of debt. Imagine the stress she could take off her husband’s shoulders if she would work harder to shop wisely when she buys food. Do you really need a new washing machine or bookshelf when you could make do with what you have? I would love to have a new treadmill. The one I have is held together with duct tape and doesn’t have the bells and whistles I’d like it to. But does it work? Yep. Can I run on it just like I could a new one? Yep. Do I harp on my husband about it? Nope. In fact, until he reads this blog I don’t think he’ll even know it’s something I’d *LIKE* to have. There are so many other places we can spend our money wisely than buying a new treadmill. Besides, winter is ending soon (I certainly hope so anyway) and I’ll be able to run outside so I won’t be using the treadmill as often. Sometimes we have to be willing to be content with what we have so that we can be better stewards of the blessings God has given us.

 

It is important for our family to be debt free so that we can be free to serve Christ in whatever capacity He calls us. As Kerry starts looking for a full time ministry job, we are bound by the debt we still owe. We know that wherever God places us He will provide for us, but the stress of finding a job (or two or three) that will support our family would be so much less if only we had been good stewards and made wise decisions from the start. We would love someday to have enough money to buy a home in the country and raise our family, but is that our priority and our main reason for working diligently to become debt free? No. Our goal is to be FREE from slavery so that we can be FREE to serve Christ.

 

What do you see?

When you see someone out an about do you really see them? I was thinking about this last week as I was meeting with students and when I was speaking with my co-workers. It’s so easy to just categorize someone as “my nurse” or “the waitress” or even “the neighbor”. But do we really know what’s going on with them? Do we see them as God’s creation and that they have value or do we just see them for what they can do for us?

It’s so easy to get focused on everything else we have going on in our own lives that we forget to see those around us for who they are. We forget that they have lives too, we just see the in their “roll” in our lives. For example, the lady who waits on you at the grocery store, you see her as what she does not who she is. She may be dealing with a dying mother or sick child at home. We don’t see the “baggage” that others have. We’re too focused on carrying our own. When you ask someone how they are, do you take the time to really listen to what they’re saying? I know people who when asked that question respond with “do you really want to know or are you just asking to be nice?” Most of the time we’re just asking right? We don’t really want to know, we don’t want to get dirty. We don’t want the details, because then we have to care. It’s easier to just keep going on doing our own thing rather than stop and help someone else do theirs.

Many Christians would like to say they care for others; they’d like to say that they want to help others and that they love others like Jesus loves them. But do we really? The majority of Christians would rather just throw money or another program at the problems they see around them. They don’t want to actually help with their hands, it’s too personal, it’s too real. So how do we fix it? How do we as Christians make people feel valued and let them know they’re worth our time?

First I would say, we have to stop seeing others for what they can do or are doing for us. That involves stopping and looking around us. Look at the person in front of us in the eye. I mean seriously. Really look at them. See them as another human being not just the server, the bank teller, the teacher or the student.

When we talk to the person in front of us we have to listen to them. We have to want to hear them and then we have to be willing to respond to what they’re saying. And not just “um hmm” or “oh that’s nice”. Sometimes we won’t know what to say, but just listening to what they’re telling us is important. I’ve been trying to take time to hear what those serving me are saying with their words, their facial expressions and their actions. On occasion I don’t say anything more to the person other than “thank you” but when I say it, I say it with sincerity and while making eye contact. To be totally honest this last week, it caught a couple of people off guard. The lady who waited on me at the grocery store the other day looked completely shocked when I looked her in the eye and said “thank you”, like no one had ever done it before.

What a difference it makes when we see others for who they really are! It makes a difference to them and to us. We gain a little perspective. We remember that life isn’t all about me me me. Showing God’s love to others should be our priority. Our focus should be outward rather than inward and on ourselves. I would encourage you this week to purpose to make those around you feel important. When you’re rushing through the drive through or heading to the bank. Stop. Ask the person helping you how they are and really listen to what they have to say. Show them that you care. You might be the only one who does today. Pray for them as you leave. You may not know what their baggage is, but you can pray for them. Pray that they will be blessed today, pray that their load will be lightened. Thank God for them and their willingness to serve you. (Even if they didn’t do it with a smile). I promise it will change how you see others. It will change your perspective. Ask God to teach you how to really see people as He sees them. Set out to be used by God.

Why I still feel Blessed – My Husband

In closing out this year and some of my “why I still feel blessed” posts, I have to talk about the blessing of my husband. When Kerry and I started dating (14 years ago!), I don’t think anyone believe it at first. In fact, I distinctly remember having several people ask me if I was really dating Kerry Rosfeld (and I know there were those who asked him the same thing). We were, and still are in a lot of ways, opposites. Kerry was quiet and shy, I wasn’t. At. All. But here we are after over 10 years of marriage and we couldn’t be better matched. I am so thankful for God’s grace in giving me the husband He has. We may be opposite in a lot of ways, but we complement each other well.

The night we found out that Knox had died, I was so devastated. The girl doing our sonogram didn’t have children and while she was trying to be helpful said “At least you have 4 boys at home” as she told us goodbye. Kerry squeezed my hand tighter and without saying a word let me know he understood. He held me in the lobby of the hospital while I sobbed before we walked together, crying, to the car. He prayed with me in the parking garage before we went home to tell the boys.

Until that night I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband cry. Not that he’s un-emotional, he just doesn’t cry. I’ve seen him stare in awe at our children after they’ve been born. I’ve seen him get a little shaky after each one and have to sit down…not because he gets grossed out, but because the gravity of the whole “we have another baby and how amazing is this little creation” thing hits and he sits down to take it all in. But he cried the night we lost Knox.

He cried the night he was born, he grieved the loss of his son. It moved me. It reminded me just how much he loves each one of our children before they’re ever born, before he can even feel them move. As a L&D nurse I can’t tell you how rare it is for dad’s to have that “buy in” to their babies before they’re born. But my husband loves each of our children from the day he finds out they’re coming, and I am so blessed by that.

He made difficult phone calls to tell loved ones and friends the journey that lay ahead. It wasn’t easy for him, but he did it because he loves me and he knew that I would never be able to do it. He didn’t have the words to describe how we were feeling or what was happening, but he asked for prayer and told our story.

He reached for my hand every time someone would walk into our room while I was in the hospital. We were occasionally asked by an unknowing person if we were excited about our new baby or if we knew if it was a boy or girl, Kerry would squeeze my hand and then hold me as I broke into tears when that person left. (I didn’t have the heart to tell those people why we were being induced so I didn’t…I just said we didn’t know and we were a little nervous about the induction). Kerry asked the nurse for a sign for our door to let staff know we had a loss so that I didn’t have to answer questions…he was my advocate.

When I was being induced, Kerry was my rock. He helped me labor during the induction. I wanted to avoid pain medication because I wanted to be as aware as possible of the things going on around me and when the baby came I didn’t want to be drugged. So I labored and Kerry supported me, he rubbed my back, he held my hand and he let me lean on him. He took notes about the events of the day, just like he has on every other day we welcomed a child into our family.

When Knox was born, I was nervous about how it would affect Kerry to be honest. Because I worked in labor and delivery I had seen babies born at 15 weeks before, I knew from a nursing stand point what was going to happen and what to expect. I can’t imagine going through that for the first time with the baby being your child. Kerry asked questions throughout the process, and when Knox was born…Kerry reached for him to hold him. He marveled at Knox, he counted his fingers and toes (and looked for the family trademark bent pinky that all of our boys have), just like he had for all of our other children. I was so blessed to see him cherish our son. Not that I expected anything else from the man I married, but it was such a blessing to me. The pictures we have from that night are so special, Kerry took some of them, but the ones I love the most are the ones of him holding Knox. The look of love for Knox on Kerry’s face is priceless to me. I have been blessed by a husband who loves me and loves our children.

I have been blessed by a husband who I can be totally honest with. I could be completely vulnerable with my emotions and I knew that even when he didn’t know what to say he’d listen. I am a verbal processor, so I needed to do a lot of talking and still do about the whole process. Kerry listens so well. But even more than that, he is able to talk to me too. He’s not afraid to let me know what he’s thinking or how he’s doing emotionally. I’m so thankful I don’t have to pry or worse yet…wonder.

I have been blessed by a husband to ministers to me spiritually. He prayed with me, read scripture to me and helped me find hope in a tough situation. When he was explaining to our boys what happened and about the events that took place in the hospital, Kerry continually turned back to scriptures. He used this difficult situation to show our boys the sufficiency of scripture for our everyday lives. I have heard Kerry pray with our children about healing our hearts and my body, they have thanked God for the doctor who cared for me, they have prayed for more children. I am so thankful for his godly leadership and the example he shows our children.

I have thanked God numerous times for bringing Kerry and I together. God has carried us as a couple through the loss of a child. He has used Kerry to bless me, to remind me of His love, to remind me of His grace. While we may be opposites in a lot of ways, we are a perfect fit and I am so thankful for the man God gave me to spend the rest of my life with.

Why I still feel blessed – Children

I am blessed with 4 wonderful boys here on earth and 1 son in Heaven. For that we are thankful. Enough said right? It would be so easy for someone who talks as much as I do. J

Losing Knox has reminded us just how blessed we are, to experience the joy of children here on earth and also the anticipation of being reunited with ones we never got to see grow up here on earth.

I think having our 4 boys has made grieving the death of Knox easier. They have helped keep me from being swallowed by grief, but also in their childlike ways have helped me see the other side of losing a child, the hope that often follows such a difficult time. In explaining what happened with Knox to the boys we were also able to explain the hope that we find in God’s promises and why we can look forward to meeting Knox when we die. We have had the opportunity to talk about God’s promises for those who honor Him.

We have also talked about the hope of having more children. Zeke has been the hardest to explain the loss to. He and Otto had been praying for a baby (a sister specifically) since August. The boys were so excited about a new baby and delighted to hear what their new sibling was doing in my womb, what was growing and developing, how big he was getting and what he might look like. Zeke would always pull out the measuring tape to see how big the baby was getting. When we talk about Knox now, Zeke shakes his head and says “baby…no…in Heaven” and we say “yes, the baby is in Heaven…won’t it be great when we get to see him someday?” Zeke, then says “yeah…baby…another baby…” and points to my stomach. He prays daily for “another baby” when we pray at meal time or during our Bible time. We always respond with “yes, if it’s God’s will we will have another baby.”

One of the things I have been reminded of is how precious our wonderful children are, and how precious little time we have with them. God has numbered each of our days, we don’t know how much or how little time we have with each other. He has numbered our days, even when those days end before we are born. .. and even if the Lord allows my children to grow to an old age, they are only in our house for a short period of time, and they are little for even less time. I need to make sure that I’m spending my time wisely as a mother.

I have been blessed by the smiles my children have given me each day. Titus thinks everything is something to smile about, and it warms my heart every time I look at him and he gives me a cheesy grin. I have been blessed by the prayers of Otto and Zeke, their prayers for healing for mommy and prayers for more children if it is God’s will. I have been blessed by the hugs from Gabe, he is a young man with few words about the events that have happened, but he seems to know when I need a hug.

I have been blessed to be reminded to delight in my children more and get frustrated less. I have been blessed to have a reason to get up in the morning. My children don’t wait for breakfast, even on the days when I wanted to stay and bed and mourn the loss of Knox.

I feel so blessed to have the children that I do. Knowing the joy of watching a baby grow and learn is such an awesome joy. There are times that it has been bittersweet to think of all the things I’ll miss watching Knox do, but in the same breath I’m so very thankful that I’ve been able to see those things in the children I have here with me on earth. I can’t imagine the pain of a mother who loses child after child before they are born and to never know the delight of holding her own baby. I am so very thankful that while I have known the pain of losing a baby, I have not known the pain of an empty womb.

I feel so very blessed to have the opportunity to be reminded what a privilege it is to raise children. What an awesome responsibility it is to bring them up to love God and love others. It’s like I see my children in a different light since this happened. Not that I didn’t cherish them before, but somehow it’s different. I am seeing my family in a different light, I am blessed to see them through the eyes I was intended to see them through. Through the eyes of that God intended a mother to have. For that I am thankful.

Why I still feel blessed…Friends

In the days that followed Knox’s birth, I was continually reminded of how blessed we are to have friends and family who love us so much. I’m going to be painfully honest here (not that I’m anything less any other time), but in the months prior to losing Knox, Kerry and I felt isolated. Me especially. I’ve never been one to have really close friends that weren’t family, but I was really feeling alone. I just don’t have many friends, especially friends my age. I *knew* I had friends, but I wasn’t sure who I would call if something really bad were to happen or if something really great were to happen. But…

God has used this experience to remind me just how loved and supported we are. The large majority of our family lives in Kansas, and we were thankful some of them were able to come and care for us after we got home from the hospital. Family is so important. In church circles you often hear fellow church attendees referred to as your “church family”, but in some churches they don’t feel much like family. In our church though, our church family really feels like family. Our lives are inextricably woven together and we are so very blessed to have 2 “families” we are part of.

1 John 3: 17-18 says:

 

¹⁷ But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? ¹⁸ Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.

 

Our friends and family didn’t just love us with their words, but also with their actions. Our church family provided meals for us this whole last week. It was such a blessing to take a little stress off and be able to focus on healing.

But even more than that, we knew we were being prayed for a daily basis. We were checked in on a regular basis to see how we were doing. And not just “can I bring you anything”, but asked us “how are you doing…and we really want to know”. I could be painfully honest with those who were around me. I could cry, question, yell and just sit with them. I was able to be me without being judged or afraid of my emotions. It is a freedom that many in churches (or families for that matter) don’t feel like they have.

They were the “friends” I wasn’t sure I had before this happened. I was reminded time and again that I am blessed with friends who love me, care for me and are there for me, all the time.

I have to say, our church isn’t huge, but our church is genuine and cares for everyone who walks through the doors whether it’s your first Sunday or you’re 100^th. We are blessed.

In addition to our church friends and family, I have been reminded of how much I am cared for by my “online” friends. One can joke about whether online friends really count…but, for the most part, I would say they do. Some I have never met, but we are tied together by the births of our children years ago or other major life events. Some our lives intertwined years ago and some are new friendships. But I have had several friends email or call to say they’re praying for me or checking to see how I’m doing. Some of you have shared personal stories, scriptures or just provided encouragement. I have been blessed to know that our story has touched others and that others are helping share our grief.

I feel blessed to know that I have a support system that many of us rarely discover except in times of tragedy. I’m reminded that God often cares for us through the ministry of those around us. I am blessed with friends and family who care for me.

 

Household organization –The kid stuff

Yesterday I outlined what I do each day and how I organized my chores and plans. I take a similar approach to setting out what the boys do each day. I first wrote out what I wanted them to do each morning between breakfast and lunch, lunch and supper and supper and bedtime. I tried to alternate the completion of some tasks like loading and unloading the dishwasher . There are some tasks that each boy does everyday. I want them to master a task before they move on or change. You can view their task lists